Saturday, April 11, 2009

A quiet day and a few thoughts

All was quiet here today as DS11 and hubby were out practicing for the annual Georgia Youth Birding Competition. They took DS11's friend with them to begin his training for the big day. This will be his first year. He is really excited about it.

The friend can only hear via a cochlear implant. Often he depends on lip reading to augment the sounds he hears. DS is able to speak to him and be lip read and he is a trooper in making absolutely certain that his friend gets the information presented. I am proud of him.

Nothing happening on the quilting stuff. My itchy, watery, allergy plagued eyes were really blurry and sore today and I didn't want to accidentally cut a border wrong, or worse, wonky so that it doesn't lay in a nice, straight line. I figure that it's best to wait a day or two and make absolutely sure that it is correct.

Patience may be a virtue, but it is not one that I have developed. I am the queen of finding a pattern that I can put together quickly and then finishing the whole thing out, pronto.

I think it is a combination of knowing how little time I have to work on a project compared to my drive to complete it. Ugh! I am very disorganized at home and easily overwhelmed, so if I start something like this, I want to finish it so that I know it won't get lost in the shuffle somewhere.

I truly would love to do the Suzy Homemaker thing and stay home and make lovely things and have an immaculate home (well, maybe not immaculate....). But, that is not in the cards for us right now. I do enjoy teaching and I love to watch the kids really dig deeply into the material we are covering. I love knowing that I set the bar high and that they really are learning.

I also love knowing that my boys are right there in the same building with me and if there is a problem, I am the one handling it. That is especially important for DS12 (my aspie). DS11 would thrive no matter where he was at. He loves to learn and is so naturally curious and friendly. Life is not so simple for his older brother. Without the consistent, enforced interaction with kids, he would not have come as far as he has over the last three years.

I had always wanted to homeschool my children, but DS12 has so many other issues going on and needs to be forced to socialize. I just couldn't provide that at home, even though I am a Certified Teacher and had all of the academics under control. DS11 was a dream to work with. I only had to make sure that I stayed ahead of his curiosity.

I spent some time embarrassed that I didn't have what it took to deal with DS12's issues and learning disabilities (and just the little quirky stuff and excessive emotional outbursts) that I couldn't do what I felt was best for him. Looking back, maybe God just moved me out of my dream of fullfillment and toward making DS12 the fullfilled one.

I still miss some of my Little House on the Prairie (didn't you just love those books when you were a kid?) fantasies and can't sew and can and garden and decorate and cook fabulously (which I can't even do with unlimited time) full time, but I can be okay with that.

Family time is less stressful as I am not imposing impossible restrictions on both him and myself. He loves school, DS11 loves school, and most days, I really do, too!

Honestly, if I didn't work, I would have very little money to spend on all of my projects and crafts, so it balances out a bit, I think.

This isn't the road that I would have necessarily picked for myself, but it seems to be the road which allows BOTH of my children to thrive. And, that's what's most important after all.

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